After Party

1

The Center and the Dance

Eslin

"I am Eslin."

I say it out loud several times a day, afraid I'll forget my name.

Because if I forget that, I will really lose everything.

I look at the different colored doors around me. All six of them are locked. I'm sitting on my bed in the middle of the Center.

The Center. That's what I've started calling it, because I'm literally at the center of this round space. The long air shaft above me is the only way out, but its walls are impossible to climb.

Believe me, I've tried.

Escaping via the shaft is not an option, so the doors are my only hope.

Two more doors to go . . .

It's time for the green one. I've had the key for way too long already.

"Do it. Now," I say quietly. "What are you waiting for?"

I'm talking out loud to myself more and more. At first I thought I was going crazy, but apparently when you're actually going crazy, you don't realize it. It's the people around you who notice.

That's a typical Ashley fact.

Ashley told me so many facts that there's no way I could ever remember them all. But sometimes they pop into my head, like a thought bubble above a cartoon character.

I try to picture Ashley's face, but it's almost impossible. Everything from home is slowly fading away, like a drawing on a fogged-up car window.

My stomach rumbles.

I look again at the key in my hand, which is clammy with sweat. I need to open the next door today because I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

I ate my last pack of crackers this morning. According to Ashley, a person can go three weeks without food. If they're lucky.

And the only way to get more food is to open the next door. The green one.

"My favorite color," I say. "Green reminds me of nature, of freedom. Vacations in Vermont, with Ross and my mom and dad."

Don't forget.

Never forget.

I look at the camera high up on the wall. There's a shoe stuck between the camera and the ceiling, its lace dangling sadly.

"I am Eslin," I say quietly. "I have a brother. He's one year younger than me, and I call him Babyface because he looks so young."

Since I've been inside this place, I've finally understood why Ashley always remembers so many facts. Listing them really does make me feel calmer.

I look back at the camera. Is Balaclava watching me right now?

I bet he is. I think he watches every step I take.

I don't really know why I call Balaclava "he."

It could be a woman.

A boy, a girl. Someone in their twenties, in their fifties. Someone I know, a complete stranger.

I have no idea.

I don't remember anything about the night of the school's winter dance. It's like there's an electric fence around the memory. Whenever I come close to remembering, I get a shock and go flying.

On the rare occasion Balaclava comes in here, I try to figure out something about him, but all I've learned is he's of average height and wears black shoes and black clothes. The eyes behind his balaclava are hidden from view by some kind of mesh.

It really could be anyone.

The first time Balaclava came into the Center, he nearly scared me to death. He entered through the black door and was suddenly standing in front of me.

When my heartbeat had slowed a little, I begged him for food. Instead of giving me any, he tossed me a key and pointed at the yellow door.

Then he left, without saying a word.

I look at the black door. Whenever he comes in here, that's the door he uses. When he leaves, he always locks it.

What's on the other side?

I need to open the green door first, or I'm not going to find out. At each door, I get the key to the next one-those are the rules.

What kind of food am I going to get after the green door?

Maybe it'll be junk food!

The thought of a delicious, hot hamburger wins me over, and I get up off my bed. The bed desperately needs clean sheets, but I'm not going to get those either unless I open the door and do the challenge right.

As I stand by the green door, I feel my heart racing. What's behind it? I hope it's not something involving stamina or sharp objects again.

I look around the room. I've already come so far. There are only two doors left.

At first, it seemed like it was never going to end, but now, suddenly, I'm almost there.

And what then?

Will Balaclava actually set me free?

The thought of finally seeing daylight again makes me dizzy with anticipation.

"I am Eslin," I say quietly. "And I love games. I can't stand losing, so I only accept a challenge if I'm sure I can win."

I snort. As if I could ever win inside here. All I can do is survive.

I put the key in the lock and turn it.

"I am Eslin," I say once more. And then I push the door open.

Lucy

"It's been one year this week."

As I say the words, my stomach flips. One year.

That's three hundred and sixty-five days without Eslin.

Ashley looks up from her book. "Want to do something special on the anniversary?"

I look at her. "Like what?"

"Light a candle by the gate?"

I think about it. I don't really know if I want to go back to that place. I've only been there once since it happened.

And it was terrifying. It was like I could feel Eslin's presence, her fear flowing through my veins.

She must've been so scared that night.

I give her an honest answer. "I don't know. I think that place is kind of creepy."

"You're right. It is. But maybe it'll help?" Ashley puts her book down and comes to sit with me. "And you'll be able to start moving on."

I hoped Ashley was smart enough never to say something like that, but even she can't help coming out with the usual clichés in the end.

"I am not moving on," I say in a loud voice. "Never."

Ashley's face clouds over. "That's not what I meant."

It's not fair that I'm mad at Ashley. She's the only one I can talk to about this, whenever I want, at any time of the day.

"Wait." Ashley jumps up and opens the top drawer of the dresser next to her bed. "Take this if you go."

I look at the tealight in her hand. It smells a lot like the incense that Ashley keeps in the same drawer.

"Thanks," I say, clutching the candle. Maybe I'll go there later. I could wait for the actual date, but that would probably be even more stressful.

"Want to have a movie night tonight?" Ashley asks, changing the subject. "I found a good horror film, and I could make popcorn."

"Erm . . ." I've been putting off this moment for as long as possible, but there's no avoiding it now. "I actually want to go to the winter dance tonight."

Ashley's eyes widen. "What?!"

She reacts exactly as I'd expected.

"I need to see what happens tonight."

Ashley shakes her head. "Nothing is going to happen. Or do you seriously think the guy who did it is going to confess in front of a packed gym?"

My heart falls, because I was secretly hoping that would happen. But that would also mean that I know the culprit. That he's at our school. The thought takes my breath away.

"And you hated the school dance," Ashley reminds me.

"Still do," I say.

I remember when Mr. Heinz, our English teacher, announced this year's winter dance. He had checked with Eslin's mom and dad to see if they were okay with it. They told him Eslin wouldn't want life to stand still for everyone else. And so, he said, the school eventually decided that the tradition should continue this year, just like it has before every winter break.

I still can't believe Lonnie and Walt were okay with letting the school dance go ahead.

Because if there's anything their daughter would have wanted, it would have been for the whole world to stand still after her disappearance.

Eslin would have wanted everyone to think about her constantly.

Just like I do.

If she only knew how quickly everyone went back to normal after the night she disappeared. I heard Roxy laughing away with her friends in the gym at school just a few days later. Nolan, Eslin's boyfriend, apparently made out with another girl the following week.

And now the school dance.

When Mr. Heinz announced it, I kept my mouth shut for the first five minutes. While the rest of the class was cheering and coming up with plans for outfits that matched the theme-Glitter and Glamour-I just stared straight ahead.

How could Eslin's mom and dad give their approval? And why did Mr. Heinz even ask them in the first place? Didn't they consider what it must be like for Ross? He was at the dance last year too. He was there in his sister's last moments, just before she was abducted.

Abducted.

It's a word you usually hear only in action movies or TV shows.

But it's still the theory that the police are going with. A kidnapping after the school dance, in the middle of the night.

The last place they were able to pick up a signal from Eslin's phone was on a deserted road by the forest, near a big wooden gate.

What was Eslin doing there in the middle of the night?

Her house is in the complete opposite direction. She had no reason to be out there on her bike.

They found tire tracks by the gate the next morning, but it had snowed a lot overnight, so the tracks weren't clear enough to link them to a specific car.

A few days later, the police said they strongly suspected that Eslin's body had been dumped in the lake.

All they managed to dredge up was a bike. There was a photo of it in the newspaper the next day. A green bike with white dots. Eslin was so proud of that bike-it was new. And now there were strands of muddy lake plants hanging from the handlebars.

The first night after they found that bike, I dreamed Eslin had also been found.

I saw Eslin's face, puffed up from the water, her hair like the muddy strands of weeds on her bike.

I woke in a panic, and ever since then the nightmares have kept coming.

Every night I dream about the theories I come up with in the daytime.

Is Eslin dead? Is she alive somewhere far away in some filthy basement? Was she abducted by a serial killer? A psychopath?

Not knowing is driving me crazy.

"So you want to go to the dance because you think the mystery of Eslin's disappearance will be solved tonight?"

When Ashley puts it like that, it does sound pretty far-fetched.

"All I know is that I need to go," I say. "Are you coming with me or not?"

Ashley frowns. "Why?"

"I can't go on my own," I say. "Please?"

"But . . ." Ashley seems to be looking for an excuse. "I hate crowds."

"I know you do, but please? Will you do it for me?"

That last sentence seems to make her waver.

"What . . ." Ashley says hesitantly. "What would I wear?"

"We'll come up with something," I say. "Glitter and Glamour shouldn't be too hard of a theme, right?"

"It wouldn't be hard for Eslin, no," Ashley says with a smile. "She was like a walking disco ball."

I smile back at her. Ashley's right. Half of Eslin's closet was made up of glitter and sequins. Whatever it took to get noticed.

Eslin didn't mind everyone looking at her. In fact, she liked it.

Ashley is exactly the opposite. I am too.

"So you'll come?"

Ashley looks doubtful. "Maybe . . ."

I throw my arms around her. "Thank you so much!"

"I haven't said yes yet," Ashley mumbles into my shoulder.

"I know," I say. "But you didn't say no either."

x

"How about this?" I hold up a top with a picture of a palm tree on it. The leaves are made of green sequins shining in the store's fluorescent lighting.

"Gross." Beside me, Ashley runs her hands through the clothes on the rack. With every top she touches, she looks more disgusted.

"What are you two up to?"

I look up. Roxy is standing in the aisle. Nolan's with her.

Since Eslin's disappearance, I keep seeing the two of them together.

Ashley thinks they're a couple, but I refuse to believe it. That'd be too disrespectful to Eslin.

"Clothes shopping," I say.

"You guys shop here?" Roxy knows this isn't our kind of store. I might not be quite as much of a wallflower as Ashley is, but I think clothes like this are way over the top too.

"Got no choice," I say. "Not with a dumb theme like Glitter and Glamour."

"Hang on a second . . ." Roxy's eyes widen. "You're going to the dance tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Her too?" Roxy never talks directly to Ashley. Last year, Eslin and Roxy seemed to make a game out of pretending Ashley didn't exist. I was so ashamed of Eslin's behavior.

"Wow, this is a big deal." Roxy looks at Nolan. "Right?"

Nolan nods.

"And does Ross know you're going?"

"Of course." Eslin's poor brother. When we're done shopping, I should go over to his place to tell him we're going to the dance.

The thought makes my stomach flip.

"You surprise me," Roxy says. "I thought you were really against it."

"I am," I say. "Totally."

Roxy's eyes narrow. "You're not going to ruin it, are you?"

"How would I do that?"

"I'm sure you can think of something."

Weirdly, coming from her, it sounds almost like a compliment.

"Don't even think about it," Roxy continues, looking right at me. "Our committee worked way too hard on it."

"You're on the dance committee? You mean, you organized this dance?"

"Yeah." Roxy nods. "And it's going to be amazing."

My blood's boiling. I want to smack the stupid smile off her face.

Instead, I clench my jaw and mutter: "Wow, amazing? I can't believe you'd ever say that about a dance at our school."

Everyone goes silent. Nolan leans awkwardly against the clothing rack.

"You know exactly what I mean." Roxy swings her long ponytail over her shoulder. The tip of it swishes against my cheek. "The whole school's looking forward to it. We can't all stay depressed and never have any dances ever again, can we?"